Chapter 35 A Piece Of News continued

How It Tasted

Fish a la Bettina

Hard to know whether to judge this on eye or tongue appeal…

As far as taste this dish was moderately successful. My husband thought it was a little bland and proceeded to doll it up with a fiery melange of spices, garlic, and Worcester sauce (more on this later)—my son and I thought it was fine as is.

But as for how it looked—yowzah! I tried my best to push all disagreeable images away, but there it was: Fish a la Bettina bears a striking resemblance to baby spitup, or the mess the dog left on the carpet the other day.

Rice Cakes

I was pleasantly surprised that all these cakes save one made it to the table intact—less pleased that my dining companions immediately broke them apart with their forks.

As for the taste, this dish simply was what it was: rice—the bread crumbs and fat really added nothing at all. I suppose this recipe might come in handy when one is trying to dress up leftovers, but since my son adores rice au natural all that shaping and frying is really wasted effort.

Stuffed Tomato Salad

Fully assembled this dish gave us all the weird sensation we were being watched.

Wonder why?

Rolls and Butter

Frankly these rolls (really bolillos) weren’t terribly exciting—too soft and bland was the general impression. Still, I really can’t say they were money wasted—hard to complain when this basic breadstuff cost less than a dollar.

Grape Juice

Milomir: Do we have any more?

I was pleased by this simple but colorful juice—my husband even more so when the fiery extras he dumped over his rice kicked in. The only problem was the cleanup afterward—somehow the pitcher leaked and left spots of juice on the tablecloth.

Blueberry Tarts

Filip: It looks like marbles.

Oddly enough the blueberries in these tarts were anything but soft—this, despite being stewed in a pot and then baked for a good twenty minutes.

Still, despite the berries’ marble-like qualities the tarts were really very good, and the crust pale but tender. I was astounded that, despite all my fumbling and patching, it really did almost meet the traditional “melt in your mouth” standard. I think we were all surprised by this—at first glance these tarts looked anything but appetizing.

Coffee

For once my husband and I didn’t fully appreciate our after dinner coffee—we were simply too full from the rice, the fish, and of course all that grape juice.

As expected the second beverage was superfluous—we generally welcome that jolt of caffeine after a stolid Bettina meal, but not this time.

Would I Make This Again?

Always the million dollar question, it seems…

For the most part I’d say yes—the rice cakes, juice, rolls, and tarts were pleasant and my crew seemed to enjoy them.

But the eyeball salad and the lumpy fish were truly abominations—visually, if not taste-wise. Might be wise to blindfold one’s guests before they tuck into these monstrosities—better still to tear the recipes out of the book, burn them, and scatter the ashes in the wind.

Chapter 35 A Piece Of News

Introduction

Another “cunning” dinner, the usual compliment of guests—but wait! What's this?

The placid evening meal is split wide open by some staggering news: woman-hater Harry Harrison and firebrand Alice are engaged!

Certainly this is a pairing as unnatural as The Odd Couple--in fact one might expect Bettina’s dining room table to split in two at this thunderclap.

But no. The table stands firm as the party gathers around to feast on a supposedly festive meal (apparently scavenged from odds and ends at the back of the refrigerator): leftover fish, fried cakes made of day-old rice, and a grape juice toast in honor of the love birds!

Part 1

The Menu

Fish a la Bettina

Rice Cakes

Stuffed Tomato Salad

Rolls

Butter

Iced Grape Juice

Blueberry Tarts

Coffee

Preparing the Meal

Fish a la Bettina

No indecision over what kind of fish to use—I simply picked up a package of frozen Alaskan cod…

…and baked the fillets in the oven.

Then I prepared a white sauce…

…and added the freshly chopped fish.

A little pimento, some chopped sweet pickles and…

…Fish a la Bettina!

(the fish was to be served over ‘wafers’, but since no kind was specified I saved my peace of mind and untold hours of labor by using Town House Originals).

Rice Cakes

These are definitely not the modern, fat-free, crunchy (and tasteless) Styrofoam-like rounds one sees so often. No, these little gems consist of boiled rice molded into patties, dipped in crumbs, and deep fried. Yummy.

Fortunately I already had a bowl of plain boiled rice (one of my son’s favorite dishes) in the refrigerator.

Unfortunately the rice resisted the shaping process—probably I should have chosen a sticky variety rather than ordinary long grain. I added milk and sprinkled in some flour, to no avail.

Eventually I was able to squeeze (and I literally mean squeeze) chunks of rice together into golf ball-sized balls, coat them with crumbs, and get them into a skillet of hot fat.

One ball broke apart from the heat, but the rest more or less stayed together. After they were browned I maneuvered them out of the pan and onto a plate covered by a paper towel, to drain.

Stuffed Tomatoes

Although the recipe calls for four tomatoes I decided to prepare six. I’ve learned the hard way that Bettina’s fruits and vegetables tend to be far smaller than modern specimens, and now I always take that into account.

As always I started by loosening the skins with a hot-water bath.

Unfortunately skinning these things was the least of my troubles. They also had to be gutted, and that didn’t go very well.

I almost decided to stuff the tomatoes with the red cabbage I already had in my fridge. Ultimately I changed my mind—red tomatoes stuffed with “red” (really, purple) cabbage—our eyes might melt at the sight.

Bettina always chops her cabbage, but I prefer to grate mine.

Mixing the grated cabbage with a little homemade salad dressing, salt, and paprika…

Ready to stuff those tomatoes!

Rolls and Butter

By far the easiest item on the menu. These rolls were purchased for the princely sum of 3/$1.00.

Grape Juice

A drink in honor of the newly engaged couple. Wine or champagne would probably be more appropriate, but then A Thousand Ways To Please A Husband WAS published on the eve of Prohibition…

Blueberry Tarts

Now these sound good.

Mixing the berries, vinegar, cinnamon, sugar, and butter.

Believe it or not this filling needs to be cooked…I suppose to thicken it.

Now for the crust. Once again Bettina fails to give any recipe and so I flipped back to Chapter 7’s lemon pie.

Traditional pie crust ingredients: lard, flour, salt.

Blending the fat into the dry ingredients.

I can never decide how much “cutting” to do…too much and the crust will become tough. Too little, and it comes out like this.

At this point the lard was becoming soft and smeary and I had to refrigerate the ingredients for a bit to firm the mixture up. Unfortunately it didn’t help much.

Finally I did get the dough into a ball and was able to roll it out.

My, this really shows a professional touch <sarcasm>. The rolled-out dough stuck, tore, and otherwise misbehaved and so I had to do some major patching.

The filled tart shells—no Baker of the Year award here.

Coffee

Seems strange to have both coffee and juice at a single meal, but oh well.

Fill the percolator basket, fill the pot with water, etc. (I know the process by heart).

How It Looked

Chapter 34 Bettina Gives A Porch Breakfast continued

How It Tasted

Molded Cereal Over Bananas

Filip: What is it?

I can’t say this congealed blob of cereal went over well with the family…it definitely raised some eyebrows. It certainly looked odd, and even heaped with whipped cream wasn’t exactly a taste sensation. Adding some sugar might have made a difference--perhaps turned a lump of tasteless, sticky farina into a dessert of sorts.

Whipped Cream

Even unsweetened, this “dish” was one of the most popular items on the menu. We all spooned it liberally over our cereal (not that it helped in any way), and my husband and I also added it to our coffee.

What surprised me most was the cream’s staying power. I refrigerated what we didn’t eat, and even ten hours later the stuff hadn’t melted down into a puddle—quite remarkable as it had no sugar, unflavored gelatin, or other stabilizers added to it.

Codfish Balls

Happily the intensive soaking I did removed the cod’s regrettably rank odor. Unfortunately it also removed the taste—these patties, while pretty to look at, really didn’t have much flavor.

The texture too was a little peculiar—smooth, almost creamy, and not something one would expect to find in a dish made with fish. We all added a lot of lemon juice and spices to them, and that definitely made them more enjoyable.

Egg Soufflé

Yes another flaccid dish with zero taste (and the pea sauce didn't help a bit). To their credit these mini soufflés did manage to hold their shape coming out of the oven, and I suppose they meet Bettina’s definition of “dainty”. But they had almost egg flavor and had the consistency of marshmallow fluff—in fact, I could have topped ice cream sundaes with them and no one would have blinked.

Twin Mountain Muffins

Finally a dish that offered some tooth resistance (maybe a little too much—I suspect I left the muffins in the oven a tad too long). Still, they went over well, and we all ate them with jelly. The texture was fine (no tunnels)—much to my surprise that business with the eggs didn’t affect it at all.

Jelly

Is there really much that can be said about commercial jelly? As noted above we used this on our muffins—the jelly’s bright color made them far more appealing, almost like a dessert in fact.

Spice Cookies

Milomir: Sure you didn’t overbake these?

Once again another cookie failure. These weren’t quite as awful the doggy-style biscuits from Chapter 27 (Bettina Has A Baking Day), but it was close.

To be fair, the cookies did have a spicy snap to them, and the smell brought up pleasant images of Christmas. But their texture was really strange: hard to the touch, but both oily and flaky on the inside (if such a thing is possible).

Coffee

The grand climax of the meal and probably the only item that wasn’t something of a disappointment. Of course I used my beloved percolator to make this and, like always, it was excellent.

Would I Make This Again?

Hmm... DH and Son would answer that question with a resounding “No!”, but I’m not sure myself how good (or bad) the meal really was.

I think on one hand none of the dishes lived up to the Bettina-inspired hype...on the other hand, we all were able to eat enough to satisfy our appetites...but then (hey! that’s three hands!) this meal was too labor intensive for such *ho hum* results.

I think the real problem was the meal’s utter blandness. The cereal was smooth and tasteless, the whipped cream creamy (obviously) and lacking in flavor, the fish balls ditto, and so on and so on.

In truth this is a meal suitable for invalids, or anyone who has to suck their food in through a straw. I have no reason to believe that Bob’s Aunt Elizabeth was anything but “beautiful and distinguished-looking” but, judging by the meal set before her, she obviously had medical issues—either a stomach cratered with ulcers or some ill-fitting dentures.

Chapter 34 Bettina Gives A Porch Breakfast

Introduction

It’s just seven o’ clock in the morning in the honeymoon bungalow—but such hustle and bustle! Such hurrying and scurrying! It’s quite obvious there’s a crisis. Is a challenging guest or three (Cousin Matilda, Harry Harrison, the Reverend Henry Clinkersmith) threatening a return visit?

Worse. Bob’s “beautiful and distinguished-looking” Aunt Elizabeth is coming to visit with the leading suffragettes in the city, and the prospect of feeding this crew has thrown Bettina into a panic.

“Sure, sure, sure” she might be of every dish on the breakfast, but still there is “fear and trepidation” in her heart as she ushers them to the table—

—where they feast and shower our heroine with praises until she confessed to Ruth that she “forgot to be frightened!”

Part 1

The Menu

Molded Cereal on Bananas

Whipped Cream

Codfish Balls

Egg Soufflé

Green Peas

Twin Mountain Muffins

Jelly

Spice Cookies

Coffee

Bettina’s spread may have been a show stopper for Aunt Elizabeth, but I can’t help having some reservations. It’s simply too elaborate a meal for eleven in the morning (or at night, or any time in between), and most of the dishes--the cereal and codfish balls in particular—cannot be used as leftovers.

So after some thought I decided to divide the meal in two and serve half in the morning and the other half in the (late) afternoon. A major departure from Bettina’s ways, but do I really have any choice?

Molded Cereal on Bananas

An archaic dish to be sure but not completely unfamiliar to me—I’ve already made a version of this some weeks ago (Chapter 28 Polly and the Children).

On the previous occasion it was (supposedly) the height of summer and Bettina served this cold, over raspberries.

But now it’s fall and I’d rather serve this dish warm—15 minutes in the refrigerator should allow it to set without sacrificing all of its warmth.

Stolid Cream of Wheat, the same sort (in fact, the same box) I used the first time around.

The wheat can be cooked with either boiling water or milk…pretty obvious from the snap which I chose!

The wheat is to be added to the milk and stirred thoroughly…

…and then boiled until thick. Since the cereal is to be molded it requires twice as much cooking time as the package instructions direct.

The mold (really a large cereal bowl) lined with bananas.

And then the cereal is simply spooned on top, covered with plastic wrap, and placed in the refrigerator to set.

Whipped Cream

Whipped cream (without any added sugar, apparently) seems an odd dish to find on a breakfast/brunch table. I can only assume it’s meant to be spooned over the cereal and/or the coffee.

Codfish Balls

Fortunately I already have some dried, salted cod in my pantry and am delighted for the opportunity to use it up (the stuff smells to high heaven—even when wrapped in multiple layers of plastic).

From past experience I know I’d have to soak the stuff for at least forty-eight hours to get the salt out.

The basket from my long-defunct deep fryer is perfect for the job.

Lower the basket into the pan, fill with water, cover, refrigerate (and prepare to change the water 6-10x over the course of the next two days.

Forty-Eight Hours Later

Now thoroughly and relatively salt-free the cod goes into a pot along with pared, quartered potatoes…

…and is boiled for about twenty minutes.

Ready for mashing.

Looks appetizing (not).

The recipe has two suggestions for preparing the cod/potato mixture: 1. Mold into balls, dip in eggs and crumbs, and deep fry, or 2. Shape into patties, dredge in flour, and sauté in hot fat.

Since I’m not a huge fan of deep-fried anything I went with the second option.

My fat of choice. I doubt there was solid vegetable shortening in Bettina’s time, but at least there’s little danger of it smoking or splattering.

After the fuss of soaking and mashing the cod this last step is surprising easy: just fry until brown on the bottom, flip, and fry the other side.

A parsley garnish.

Egg Soufflé

An egg is an egg…unless you cover with green peas. Ouch.

Actually the green peas are added to a sauce meant to be poured over and around the soufflé—not your typical breakfast fare, certainly (but apparently to knock Aunt Elizabeth's socks off).

I’ll begin by making the white sauce…

The Jolly Green Giant’s finest.

I’m not sure that these really need to be cooked—after all, they and their can were heated after sealing to kill any bacteria. But adding cold peas to a hot soufflé would probably collapse it, so into the pan they go.

Melt some butter (good Lord, how many times have I gone through these sauce-making steps?)

Flour and salt.

And then add a cup of milk and cook until thickened.

Last and most important step--the peas!

Now for the soufflé:

Melted butter, flour, milk, and egg.

Add egg yolks and cook three minutes.

Folding in the beaten whites of the eggs.

Then pour the mixture into custard cups…

…and set in a water-filled pan in the oven.

Twin Mountain Muffins

I believe this is the third time I’ve made these—should be a snap.

Ingredients (of course the dry have to be sifted).

For some silly reason (didn’t take time to read the recipe carefully, I suppose) I thought the eggs had to be separated and the whites whipped. Wrong.

I certainly goofed with the eggs have no choice now but to proceed…

Despite the snafu with the batter looks OK.

Fill the greased muffin cups and then into the oven. Bang. [sound of the oven door closing].

Jelly

Muffins with jelly—what could be nicer? I wish I had some of that homemade currant jelly on hand, but we ate it all...the commercial stuff will have to do.

Spice Cookies

Children always want cookies—Bettina to Ruth (Chapter 28 Bettina Has A Baking Day)

Maybe—but not those indistinguishable from dog biscuits. The last batch of Bettina cookies I made were so ghastly I’m almost afraid to try again!

Well, if the these new cookies fail I certainly can’t lay blame on the ingredients. Everything I need to make a decent batch seem to be here.

Butter creamed with brown sugar.

Eggs, sour cream, and spices added.

Flour—lots of it. In fact there’s far too much for this small bowl to handle. I need to find something bigger.

Better. But this batter is alarmingly dry…!

Adding the chopped raisins and nuts.

Now the batter goes into the refrigerator to chill.

LATER

Happily I have a brand-new non-stick baking sheet to use for these.

Coffee

Another recipe I know by heart…

Fill the percolator with water.

Spoon the coffee into the basket.

Place the assembly into the pot.

And then heat and let percolate for five minutes.

How It Looked

Meal #1: molded cereal on bananas, whipped cream, egg souffle, pea sauce, Twin Mountain muffins, 

Meal #2: codfish balls...

...and spice cookies.