Part 2 (Uncle John and Aunt Lucy Make a Visit continued)

How It Tasted

Jellied Beef

Filip: What is this? [stabs with fork]

Milomir: It’s Spam, isn’t it?

Table talk quickly devolved into a game of 20 Questions as my dining companions tried to identify this mystery meat. DH was visibly rattled by the appearance of the dish, and Son eyed his portion as if expecting it to slither off the plate.

But once we got past the appearance of the beef and its rubbery texture (no easy task, to be sure) it really wasn’t bad. The gelatinized beef has pleasant, meaty flavor and the tangy homemade salad dressing was a good accompaniment.

Potato Chips

The presence of these homemade chips on the table was a surprise to everyone, and a pleasant one at that. My son was delighted and asked me to make these again—the first time he’s ever requested a repeat of any Bettina dish. They were definitely the star of the menu and, needless to say, devoured to the last fragment.

Radishes

Milomir: Maybe next time you could grate these?

Yes, these radishes looked very attractive in their bed of chipped ice…and for the most part that’s where they stayed as only my husband seemed inclined to take a sample. For some reason everyone seemed to view them as a table centerpiece: pretty, but no more edible than a bowl of waxed fruit.

Peanut Butter Sandwiches

Filip: Why is there lettuce in mine?

I got more strange looks from my husband and son over these sandwiches—on the face of it, peanut butter combined with lettuce seems pretty darn odd.

But once again I was surprised—as bizarre as these sandwiches seemed, they really did taste good. The crisp lettuce gave some much-needed texture to the soft bread and the peanut butter, and adding butter and salad dressing to the latter lightened it considerably.

Lots of moans and groans as I insisted everyone try at least a bite, but in the end all the sandwiches were eaten.

Almond Ice Box Cookies

These cookies—and I use that term loosely—were a huge disappointment. As they didn’t contain any almond extract it’s no surprise they didn’t have much flavor, but the texture was unexpectedly vile: so cement-like they didn’t even break when I accidently dropped one on the floor.

In their pre-sliced, unbaked state these were two wooden cylinders wrapped in waxed paper…now I was faced with a batch of roofing shingles on the cookie plate. No one was enthusiastic about tasting these horrid slabs, and after the first bite the consternation at the table was so great I threw the whole mess in the trash.

Fresh Pears

Fresh, yes…but so hard they didn’t even bruise when Filip grabbed one by the stem and smacked it on the table. I had expected the jellied beef to be the biggest failure of the meal, but it wasn’t even a close second to these green monstrosities. The beef at least could be eaten—these boulders would have choked us had we tried.

Iced Tea

No, my pitcher isn’t water stained…the smudges are in fact picturesque bubbles the manufacturer imbedded in the glass.

As per the recipe I added sugar, ice, and lemon before serving the tea, and in the end it proved critical to our collective digestion (by this stage of the meal it was obvious the combination of gluey beef and rock-hard cookies wasn’t sitting well with our stomachs).

Would I Serve This Again?

I didn’t go into this antiquated meal with high expectations and so wasn’t really disappointed by my husband and son’s tepid reactions. I’m sure for them most of these dishes were the stuff of nightmares, but looking back the meal definitely had its humorous moments: the gelatinized beef wobbling on our plates—my son trying to soften a pear by banging it on the table—the cookies that remained their rock-hard selves even after being soaked in tea.

But the homemade potato chips were a definite repeat, the iced tea refreshing, and I personally enjoyed the sandwiches. So when the dishes were good they were very very good…and the rest? items fit for a bomb shelter or those guests you never want to come back.