Chapter 6 (Cousin Matilda Calls)

Introduction

Snobbish Cousin Matilda is coming to tea, and Bettina is in a panic. How can her “charmingly simple” honeymoon cottage compete with Matilda’s grand “establishment”? And what is she to feed this judgmental lady on a scant three hours’ notice? Heavens!—what’s a new bride to do?

Part 1

The Menu

Little Chocolate Cakes

Fruit Juice

A seemingly simple but scrumptious tea—but on closer inspection once can see passive-aggressive forces at work. The menu was substantially altered in the 1932 edition of the book, and after perusing the original recipes it’s not difficult to see why.

Preparing the Meal

Little Chocolate Cakes

Tiny tea cakes made with chocolate, butter, eggs, and…not flour, but a generous helping of dried bread crumbs. Yes, breadcrumbs--a fact frugal Bettina freely shares with her guests. It’s hard to believe that such cakes can be described as “rich and dainty”, but you never know…maybe the White Mountain Frosting slathered over them will help.

Fruit Juice

Lemonade with a twist…namely, the water from a boiled pineapple core.

The core, naturally enough, was left over from the sliced pineapple served at the previous meal (“Bob Helps Get Dinner”). As instructed, I plopped it in a saucepan of water and boiled it…and boiled it and boiled it. Two hours cooking time had no discernable effect on either the core or the water surrounding it, and chopping it to bits and cooking it some more didn’t help at all. This indestructible core brought Willy Wonka’s Everlasting Gobstoppers—the candy that could be sucked for hours without growing any smaller.

The Table

Bettina had at her disposal sprays of wild roses and a tea cart to serve from, but for me no such luck. I had to make do with my dining room table, a hand-stitched tablecloth, and what flowers I could scrounge from the garden. Oddly enough I did have a “dull green pottery” bowl to fill with cherries, and the overall effect was pleasant.

And, even though it wasn't part of the menu, I added a plate of sandwiches to pacify my ravenous crew. It was a couple of hours past lunchtime, and I knew cakes and fruit juice were just not going to be enough.

How It Looked

Dainty as all get out…Matilda would surely approve!