Introduction
THAT MAN is coming to dinner, and for reasons unknown
Bob chooses to invite Alice as well! Perhaps life has grown a bit dull in the
newlyweds’ bungalow?
Well, not for long. Mr. Harrison and Alice quarrel on
the steps of the house (one imagines them elbowing each other to get through
the doorway first), bait each other across the dinner table, and squabble
nonstop from first course to last.
But of course spunky Alice manages to have the last
word. This spirited lady effectively shuts Mr. Harrison down by announcing that
she’s “not a natural-born housekeeper” like Bettina, expects some day to marry
a millionaire, and will spend her life “traveling from one end of the world to
the other!"
The
Menu
Pork
Chops
Potatoes
Maitre d’Hotel Butter
Broccoli,
Miami Style [1932 Edition]
Bread
Butter
Cabbage
Salad Served in Lemon Halves
Coconut
Blanc Mange
Custard
Sauce
Iced
Tea
Pork
Chops
Determined to turn out a scrumptious main course I
chose some good-looking pork—in fact the best that I could find.
Spread out on a plate the chops looked very
impressive—plump, brightly colored, and incredibly well-marbled.
Really, Bettina’s recipe seems almost too simple: sear
the chops in a hot frying pan, add some water, clap on the lid, and let poach
for about twenty-five minutes. My only concern here is the smoke factor—the
recipe specifies that no fat is to be added to the skillet.
No, the chops didn’t smoke—but they did stick like
Velcro the greaseless surface of the pan. With just a little bit of effort
though I was able to pry them loose.
A little water, roughly a half hour cooking time, and voila! Pork chops a la Bettina.
Potatoes
Potatoes again *sigh* but at least there’s the maître d’hotel butter to jazz them up a
bit.
Frankly I’m rather thankful tonight calls for a potato
dish—it means I’ll have the opportunity to use the last of a large sack of
Yukon Golds I purchased (on sale, of course) some weeks ago ago.
In fact these waxy yellow spuds have proven suitable
for both boiling and baking, but still I’ve grown tired of them and long for
the familiar Russets.
Rather surprising that this oh-so-elegantly named
butter concoction consists simply of butter, lemon juice, seasonings, and
parsley. Certainly it’s easy to prepare, but it does seem peculiar to be mixing
potatoes and lemon juice.
The lemon halves I’ll later be stuffing with cabbage,
and the pulp will provide the juice needed the butter mixture. These lemons
have quite a thick rind—am I going to be able to pile more than a tablespoon or
two of salad into these tiny cavities?
Looks
tasty <not!>
Hmm…is
this going to be enough to spread/melt over a large serving dish of potatoes.
Bread
and Butter
Another staple I’m beginning to get tired of. In fact,
I’ve reached the point where I’m looking forward to seeing Bettina's homemade
breadstuff appear once again on the menu—baking soda biscuits sound pretty
appealing right now.
Cabbage
Salad Served in Lemon Halves
After that fiery tea room salad last week I can’t help
but feel a little suspicious about any cabbage
concoction. Still, reading the list of ingredients is somewhat reassuring:
chopped celery, cabbage, salt and pepper, and of course boiled dressing to hold
the stuff together. Short of mixing in with Pablum I can’t imagine any way it
could be milder.
The lemons, of course, has already been squeezed as I
needed the juice for the maître d’hotel butter.
Though as noted above there won’t be a lot of room in these cups for salad
after I remove the remaining shreds of lemon flesh—the rinds are incredibly
thick.
Celery,
clean and ready to be diced
In
the end I decided chopping all that vegetable matter by hand was for the
birds—grating the stuff will be far less of a hassle
And now I have to choose a cooked salad dressing from
Bettina’s extensive list (Boiled Oil Dressing, Cream Salad Dressing, Delicious Cream Salad Dressing etc).
It’s a never-ending quest to find a dressing that entirely pleases my family—everyone’s
adamant that it contain only a small amount of vinegar, and heavy lashings of
dry mustard and paprika haven’t gone down well either.
In the end Boiled Salad Dressing carried the day—with
only 1/3 cup of vinegar and minimal spices how could anyone complain?
Well, I wouldn’t say this salad looks exactly
elegant—maybe being crammed in the lemon cups with give it a much-needed touch
of class.
Broccoli
Miami
This dish didn’t appear in the original edition of A Thousand Ways To Please A Husband, but
by 1932 the book’s editors apparently knew the value of riboflavin and folic
acid!
It’s also another possible nod to Bettina’s Southern
heritage. Broccoli cooked to the point of flaccidity, mixed with a cream sauce
heavy on the cheese, dumped in a casserole, and then topped with a layer of
cracker crumbs—has such a dish ever been seen north of the Mason-Dixon line?
Step one was of course to precook the broccoli in
boiling water. But even before I got the pot on the stove I had reason for
concern. The produce manager at the grocery had sold me on the flavor and
versatility of “broccoli crowns” (broccoli trimmed of its stems). The stuff
looked great at the time but now, laid out on the counter, it seemed pretty
skimpy. Would there be enough broccoli for the amount the recipe called for?
Death
by boiling (Adelle Davis must be spinning in her grave)
Next the cheese-laced sauce…
Another
problem…I’ve almost out of milk ☹
White
sauce 101: melt the butter
Add
flour and milk
Bring
to a boil and then toss in ½ cup of cheese
Good
lord, does this sauce look rich!
Despite
the broccoli this is basically liquid grease...
Buttered
crumbs to be spread on top—yes, the caloric and cholesterol count continues to
mount
The
final assemblage. Who would ever guess there’s close to a pound of green
vegetable lurking beneath this buttery crust?
Coconut
Blanc Mange
This pudding certainly sounds good—better, certainly,
than one of Bettina’s dry-as-dust cakes. My family enjoys pudding of all
kinds—rice is a real favorite around here—so I’m sure they’ll be please with
this.
I
think I have all the necessary ingredients…
A
basic cornstarch paste mixed with milk
The
(uncooked) eggs whites have to be whipped and added separately— once again an
open invitation to salmonella, but so far our luck has held…
Looks
great, and for once I made the pudding early enough for it to have a real
chance to set
Custard
Sauce
I’ve made custard sauce exactly once in my life and,
if I remember correctly, DH was thrilled (“My mother makes this!”). I’m not
sure how Bettina’s version will stack up to dear old Mom’s—guess we’ll find
out.
Wow,
what a lot of flour for a dessert sauce!
Double
boiler time. The sauce is to be cooked until it’s thick enough to coat a silver
spoon…
…or
in this case a silver-plated knife (the only available utensil for this purpose)
This sauce can be served either hot or cold…guess I’ll
refrigerate it and warm it up just before the meal.
Iced
Tea
I wish it was possible to brew all at once the tea—say,
ten gallons or so--needed to get through Bettina summertime meals. I like iced
tea and so does my family, but making it has become a bore and some iced fruit
juice or coffee would definitely be a nice change.
How It Looked
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